Life Harvester #21: T'Shuva, Electric Shavers, Sleep Headphones, Granola

Life Harvester is written by Colin Hagendorf and edited by Rebecca Giordano. This is the email version of a print publication available for low-cost individual subscription via Paypal or on Patreon. Life Harvester subscriptions are free to prisoners. If you know an incarcerated person who would like to receive a newsletter every month, get in touch with me directly and I’ll take care of it.

Before we get to the newsletter, a quick announcement: I’m selling another round of Abolish the Police shirts. Pre-sale is up til 8pm Wednesday the 16th, so order one now if you want it. All profits go to Pittsburgh Freedom Fund, a black activist-led mutual aid fund here in Pittsburgh operating autonomously from non-profit structures and providing direct cash assistance to people for bail, rent, housing, etc. Truly good people doing good work.

AND THE DAYS DWINDLE DOWN TO A PRECIOUS FEW
As summer ends, I feel like I’m falling apart at the seams. I imagine a lot of you do as well. We’ve been isolating for six months, protesting for three. The outside world is terrifying and home is stifling. At a recent demo, local organizer Nicky Jo Dawson reminded everyone in attendance that we may have been involved in three months of sustained protesting, but we don’t know how many more months we have to go. She implored us to take care of ourselves when we’re not out in the streets, to make sure we’re sleeping, eating, tending to our needs.  “This is a movement, not a moment.”

Dawson’s prioritization of individual well-being felt distinct from the Self-Care Industrial Complex, a capitalist machination that encourages an emotionally miserly mindset in its adherents. Instead of a solipsistic approach to wellness, Dawson promoted a model of self-care with an eye toward collective action: care for yourself to care for others.

Which feels appropriate as we observe the Yamim Nora’im, the Jewish High Holy Days from Rosh Hashanah, the New Year on September 19th, to Yom Kippur, the Day of Atonement on the 28th. The month preceding Rosh Hashanah, Elul, is set aside as a time of introspection and repentance among practicing Jews. And while I certainly don’t fit that description, as I get older I find comfort in observing the traditions of my ancestors. For Elul, this means increasing charitable donations. It means making amends for wrongs done, even those I’ve done against myself. It means practicing Tashlich, in which we throw bread into a body of running water on the afternoon of Rosh Hashanah, a symbolic discarding of sins to begin the new year with a clean slate.

The High Holy days culminate in Yom Kippur, a day of fasting, prayer, and meditation, leading to a sundown feast. I’m not sure how other Jews do it, but in NY there’s a hell of a spread. Bagels, lox, whitefish salad, kippered herring, sturgeon, an array of vegetables, multiple cream cheeses. The whole family gets together, we chat and kvetch, catch up. Ten days of atonement culminating in a shared meal.

Atonement is framed around the concept of t’shuva, guidelines laid out by 12th century rabbinical scholar Maimonides in the Mishneh Torah. There are three stages necessary to atone for a wrong done: First, you must be earnestly remorseful and acknowledge wrongdoing aloud. Next, you must take steps to correct the wrong done or make amends wherever possible. And finally, you have to do the private work of figuring out what possessed you to commit the harm in the first place, and then do the work to change yourself so that you never harm someone in that way again.

T’shuvah can take many forms and have many recipients. This year, alongside the wrongs I’ve done to my loved ones, I’ve decided to also focus on wrongs I’ve done to myself. How do I make t’shuvah to me? It involves changing the behaviors and habits that cause me harm. In that spirit, this month’s Harv focuses on ways I have sought to care for myself in the past few months, so that I can better care for others.

Happy birthday to Leslie Feinberg and no one else.

BECCA’S GRANOLA
One day in the first month of quarantine we ran out of granola. A minor tragedy in the scheme of things, but I didn’t want to wait in line to get into the co-op to get more. Seeing my distress, Becca was like, “I’ll just make some,” and we’ve been doing it ever since because it’s cheaper and better.

Ingredients to make a shitload of granola: oatmeal, pecans, walnuts, cashews, sliced almonds, hemp hearts, pumpkin seeds, chia seed, flax meal, agave, vegetable oil, coconut oil, maple syrup, vanilla, a lil sprinkle of cinnamon, lots of salt! 

When I asked Becca what the measurements were for all of these things, she shrugged. She has great instincts, and hasn’t ever bothered to weigh or measure these ingredients. Trust your gut, you’ll get it right, even if it takes a few batches to perfect. Basically, you want a dry mix of oats and nuts that looks balanced to you. For the wet mix, you want approximately 1 part maple syrup to 2 parts oil to 3 parts agave, plus a dash of vanilla and a spoonful of coconut oil. Make sure there’s enough liquid to adequately cover your dry ingredients.

Instructions: Preheat oven to 350°. Combine oats and nuts in your biggest bowl or pot. I like to crush up the nuts (or “blitz the noots,” as Paul Hollywood might say). Combine liquids, seeds, dusts, and powders in a small bowl or measuring cup. Throw in a pinch of salt. Maybe two pinches. I like a salty granole. Mix the contents of the cup thoroughly, then dump it on the big bowl. Stir this around with a rubber spatula until everything is covered, then spread it all out on lined cookie sheets. We (sophisticates) got some of those silicone mats that are like a reusable wax paper and they rule, but you (a slob) can use parchment or whatever.

Bake for 15ish minutes, take the cookie sheets out, stir ‘em around, give it a taste, add more salt if you like (I always do), sprinkle with brown sugar, then put ‘em back. At this point I usually let the granola cook in 7 minute increments, flipping the cookie sheets around back to front occasionally so they heat evenly in our old, unreliable oven. Stay near the oven and pop over to check on it when you start to smell caramelizing sugars and toasted oats. The line between crisp granola and burnt granola is a fine one.

You’ll know your granola is done when your oats have traded in their pasty complexion for a nice golden brown. Take it out of the oven and let it cool on the cookie sheets. This step is apparently crucial to getting your granola nice and crisp. Be patient. Go smoke a cigarette or work on a mixtape.

Once it’s cool you’ll have delicious sweet’n’salty granola. I like to eat mine with yogurt every morning, but it’s also really good on chocolate ice cream or with a spoonful of peanut butter as a lazy snack.

ELECTRIC SHAVERS
In late-January, I noticed that even daily manual shaving was not getting me the results I wanted. There was still too much visible stubble for me to feel comfortable. And shaving against the grain, which resulted in a close enough shave for about a day, also led to razor bumps and all kinds of irritation to my sensitive skin. 

In March, despite the warnings of the girls who came before me echoing across God’s green internet, I made multiple attempts at home depilatory treatments. Mostly they resulted in my face smelling like shit for half a day and still having hair on it. The one successful attempt at hair removal also gave me a (thankfully minor) chemical burn all around my mouth. Oy yoy yoy. I decided I would start laser as soon as my face healed, but a couple of days later Becca and I started sheltering in place.

It’s been six months now. At the beginning, I barely shaved and I felt like shit every time I saw my reflection or Becca took a picture of me being cute with the dogs. Sad but true. Then while doing an early round of stir-crazy cleaning, I unearthed an electric razor some friends had given me for my 30th birthday. I charged it up and gave it a shot, leading me to lead you on a journey through shaving.

10-year-old NORELCO 4100, original price ???, but I paid $34.00 to replace the blades: A rotary shaver, which means it has three round heads that supposedly can contour with the curves of the body. The handle is shaped like an elegant dildo, but this thing is doodoo. Doesn’t get a very close shave and tears up my skin. Better with shaving powder, but still not great. The heads are super annoying to change and clean and involve a lot of small parts that are easy to lose. Sorry to the one friend I recommended this model to, it was still worlds better than shaving with a hand razor, but at this point, I wouldn’t suggest a rotary shaver to anyone.

BRAUN SERIES 8, $129.99 on sale at Costco: This is a foil shaver, which means it’s a rectangle at the top instead of three circles, though there are separate pieces that can still flex around the jawbone. I love it. Closer shave and smoother skin than I got with the Norelco, especially with shaving powder. I don’t think you necessarily need this model, but if you’ve got sensitive skin like me and you’re looking for a daily shaving option, get a foil shaver. There are many different types, though according to the electric shaver review website Shaver Check (shavercheck.com, easily one of the most wholesome places on the internet), Braun and Panasonic are the go-to brands. There are a number of options for a variety of budgets, though the lowest they seem to go is like $70-80. I went with this one because it comes with a cleaning station that cleans and lubricates the blades after every use. I’m a slob who wouldn’t do that well enough on my own. I’d end up getting a rash or something. If you’re fastidious, then maybe you can buy a cheaper one, but this felt very worth it to me. Literally any tranny who is interested get in touch and you can venmo me and I’ll use my Costco membership to order one to your house.

REMINGTON FACE SAVER, $9.25 on eBay: This is a stick of condensed talcum powder that you rub on your face before shaving. It helps the shaver glide more smoothly across the skin and isolates the hairs. It’s kind of like the big block of pool chalk, but inside the tube that hippy salt deodorant comes in. This is crucial to daily shaving for me. I imagine that this $10 powder stick is gonna last me like a year.

NIVEA FOR MEN POST-SHAVE BALM, $7.67 on eBay: If you can hold your nose and buy this even though it says “For Men” on the bottle you won’t be holding your nose long enough because Nivea For Men Post-Shave Balm smells like total shit. We all wear face masks now so if you use this you’ll just be hotboxing an 8th grader’s cologne all day. I impulse bought this at the grocery store after reading about it on Shaver Check and I wish I hadn’t wasted the money. I was already using aloe after I shaved and it was working great!

LILLY OF THE DESERT ALOE VERA GELLY, $16.99 on iHerb.com: Bad news for all the aftershave companies but our beautiful mother Earth in her endless bounty made the best aftershave ointment already. Don’t get the cheapo kind from the grocery store because it’s full of chemicals. Go to the health food store. Treat your face right. You’re worth it.

SLEEP HEADPHONES
I’ve never been good at sleeping at night. There are few memories from my childhood as distinct as the pastiche of sleepless nights laying in the dark, either fixated on some perceived embarrassment from the day, or fearing for my life in the face of my trifecta of childhood terrors—kidnappers, heroin dealers, and vampires. (See “Praying,” Life Harv 10, October 2019, for further exploration of this peculiarly specific triple threat.) As a teen, I began to discover the pleasingly somnolent impacts of weed and a forty. By my 20s, I had given up falling asleep altogether in favor of just passing out. 

Having lost that option some years ago when I quit drinking, I’ve been struggling for close to a decade now to find a solution that works as well as Black Out/Pass Out. I’m pleased to announce that I’ve finally found it. Some of the steps are idiosyncratic to me. For instance, I take a cocktail of holistic sleep aids (my nightamins) that I’m convinced are helping. They may not do anything, but I haven’t changed the regimen for fear of affecting my delicate routine, which also includes drinking magnesium & smoking 1-2 cigarettes (often my only cigarettes of the day).

The real magic bullet was that I got a pair of sleep headphones, and they changed everything. What differentiates sleep headphones from normal headphones is that the speakers are tiny and soft like contact mics, and you wear them inside a headband. I initially bought a pair of wired “COZYPHONES” because they were $12 shipped (they seem to be $18 now) and came with a leopard print headband, which complimented my overall Fran Fine In Repose evening aesthetic. 

In the time since then, I’ve gone through a number of styles and iterations of sleep headphones, and I’d like to break them down for you according to cost, sound quality, and comfort:

COZYPHONES Original Sleep Series Leopard Sleep Headphones with Travel Bag, $18.97 from cozyphones.com: My first ever sleep headphones. These will always have a place in my heart, and in my nightstand in case the new bluetooth ones I’ve got crap out or I forget to charge them. Totally solid. I went through maybe three pairs over the course of about two years because the cables kept getting tangled up and then fritzing out. Not great for creating waste, but I kinda just felt like I was getting what I paid for. How good are $12 headphones gonna be? These are great if ephemeral. An excellent purchase for someone unsure about spending the big bucks, but wanting to dip their toe in the sleep headphones water. J

LC-DOLIDA 3D Sleep Mask Bluetooth 5.0 Wireless Music Eye Mask, $33.99 on ebay: Headphones tucked into the sides of an eye mask made of like, some weird jelly stuff that feels like the inside of an ice pack. These came in a very slick box that looked like the packaging of an ice cream bar marketed to adult women or a very sophisticated sex toy. The mask itself said the word “enjoying” across the forehead. Sadly, they are absolute basura. The speakers are made of hard plastic so they hurt my ears when I tried to lay on them, which probably would’ve been uncomfortable for sleeping. I wouldn’t know because despite plugging them in for hours, the bluetooth unit never charged. L

MOITA Wireless Sleep Eye Mask Music Player for Sleeping Traveling Yoga, $19.05 + $10 shipping from namastenourish.com: decided to give the fluffy eye mask another try. This face mask looks like if John Holstrom had drawn Martin Rev’s sunglasses for the cover of Rocket To Russia. Take a minute and picture it. Like the LC-DOLIDA 3d Music Eye Mask, MOITA Wireless  Sleep Eye Mask Music Player For Sleeping Traveling Yoga has a gel-like foam inside that’s supposed to create a relaxing sensation around the eye sockets. I personally found this mask too bulky for sleeping, but I pulled the unit and speakers out and stuffed them into my original leopard print headband. It took a night or two to adjust to having the small bluetooth unit pressed against my head (and I don’t even wanna know what that’s doing to my one precious brain), but I did and these things were fine for a few months until they started fritzing. They still work for shorter bursts, but I tend to play something straight through the night in case I wake up. Headphones that crackle at 4am when I’m desperately trying to stay drowsy, are not helpful to the cause. L

ACOUSTIC SHEEP SleepPhones Wireless, $79.95 from sleepphones.com: Fearing that I would one day be without my bluetooth module and accustomed to sleeping wireless, I was faced with a dilemma. Would I finally cave and buy the expensive ones? Could they really be that much better? The answer to both those questions is yes. I would say that the SleepPhones wireless is at least $41 better than the MOITA Wireless Sleep Eye Mask Music Player For Sleeping Traveling Yoga. Here’s why: the bluetooth module on this mask is slimmer, and it’s composed of two pieces connected with a hinge, so it bends along the contours of my perfect Jewish skull and is almost imperceptible in the night. The speakers and the module are two separate pieces that connect with a micro usb, which is also the charging slot, allowing this module to stay as small as possible. Overall I’m very satisfied with these headphones, I wear them every night, I can’t imagine a life without them. Also: this headband is complete garbaggio for covering the eyes, because it tapers in the center.

So what’s my current rig? SleepPhones inside my Cozyphone headband. Aside from being trash as a mask, SleepPhones don’t even offer a leopard print option. What are glamorous sleepers like me supposed to choose? For you, the potential troubled sleeper out there, I definitely recommend trying the Cozyphones out. Even at $18 the price isn’t that offputting, and you can really give them a good go. But if you do want to make the jump to wireless, skip all the cheap options and go for the name brand SleepPhones.